Kissing is divine.

I love kissing. I love even just watching a good kiss. I was just watching Greek and there was this amazing kiss between Casey and Cappie (sorry if I ruined it for you). Maybe I'm alone here, but it's literally almost as fulfilling to watch as it is to do. It's beautiful. And in TV and film it's an amazing feeling because it's usually a culmination of all of these emotions and anxiety you've been feeling the whole time, and then it's all released in one kiss. It's beautiful. Kissing to me is one of those crazy things that show me that there has to be some kind of design to this universe. Like how did humans just come up with kissing? They were like hey, we both have lips and we're both feeling kinda hot so why don't we make them touch? But it ended up being a really good idea! Anyway I don't have much more to say about that. However, I will say that it is not the same experience for me when I have to witness two people who have no kissing chemistry or are just gross and don't know what to do with themselves. That's pretty painful and disgusting for me. So my advice to any actors out there is to practice and like tape yourself or something (just kissing) so you know if you look weird doing it, or have some critique you. That's just my opinion.

Happy kissing!

Strength in One

So I've expressed how overwhelmed I've been feeling lately. The weekends are a nice release for me because I decide to not think about anything at all. But then...it's Monday again and I find myself right back where I started. This week it's more than overwhelmed. It's a frustration with life. Maybe what I'm about to say is too personal for your taste, in which case I am perfectly fine with you ceasing to read on. However, I am pretty sure that I'm not the only one with these feelings so for those of you who can relate, know that you're not alone.

This week I decided that I want to interact with others as little as possible. Right now, I feel very frustrated because I am so misunderstood. I don't think it's the most mature thing to close everyone out of my life because I'm annoyed, but I do feel like my most important relationships are to myself and God. Those two are the only ones that I really need and that will never fail me. I should not be distracting myself with discomfort about trying to get people to see eye to eye with me when I should be focusing on allowing myself to grow. I am truly emotionally uncomfortable, and I don't think it would be a problem if I had more time to myself so that is my goal this week. Be strong on my own and then I can reach out to others. Wish me luck.

Overwhelmed, Naturally.

So Sami (one of my best friends who you may know from samiandalex.blogspot.com) texted me today saying something like, "seriously how do you deal with the stress of school?" I don't know if because we've known each other so long she can just read my mind or we just have that sense like Tia and Tamera do when the other twin feels what the other one feels, but I was literally asking myself that very question. It has become very apparent to me that my body is not handling the stress that I put on it very well, and I don't think it should.

So much is demanded of us. We're supposed to manage at least 15 hours of class per week (although I technically have 18 just from my five classes), then do homework for each class, then have a job so that we can afford to have a social life, then actually have a social life, then participate in extra-curricular activities, then eat, then sleep, then nurture our relationships with family or friends that are far away, then have some sort of personality. I personally don't think it's possible to fulfill all of these in any given day. I don't think we can do everything that is asked of us and maintain our physical and mental health at the same time. I think it's ridiculous that it has gotten to the point where success is dependent on us wearing ourselves out this way. It's not natural. I ended up telling Sami today that primary thing that college is teaching me is exactly what I don't want my life to look like. I cannot wait until I can focus on one job and put all of my effort into that. Right now I think the only way to fulfill each assignment for our classes would be to cheat our way through it and otherwise we just do the absolute minimum that it takes to get the grade we want. That's not satisfying to me. 

Does anybody feel the same or different? Are there people who are predisposed to this kind of lifestyle? I think I naturally desire to dip my toes into whatever I can, but I don't think anyone should ever wear themselves this thin. 

I AM My Hair

So you know that India Arie song, "I Am Not My Hair?" Well, I know that song is about how your identity shouldn't come from what you look like on the outside, but for one reason or another, the way I look on the outside affirms how I feel about myself on the inside. Let me explain.

As many of you may know, I am mixed with several nationalities. As a result, growing up I never really identified with any particular race or culture. My dad's side of the family is Costa Rican, and they are very connected to Costa Rica, but even that didn't really give me a strong culture. It wasn't until I was older that my mom really tried to get me to understand that I was black, which I partially am on her side, but that didn't really change the way I felt. When I look in the mirror, I don't see somebody that looks like anyone else. I have this weird skin color that resembles the tone of other African-Americans except that I have this browner/yellowy skin tone that just doesn't match up. Then I have these really dark, almost black eyes. Then most significantly, I have this crazy super curly hair that seems to be very rare. 

Maybe I feel like I stand out more than I really do, but I feel like this perspective gives me an advantage in a way. I always assumed that I was going to be different from everyone else, so I never made it a point to try to fit in or make myself any more like anyone else. Recently I had a discussion with my friend, Amber, about how I like to wear my hair curly even though I could straighten it pretty easily. It's hard to explain the attachment I have to my hair as it is. To me it's like my foundation for being fearlessly myself despite the status quo. I suppose it's shallow to base my personality on something that I could easily lose. I admit that it would hurt to part with the part of me to which I've become most attached, but I know that even when I'm old and gray I will picture myself with my curly hair that God gave me, and I will know who I am because of it.

How I Know I'm Getting Old

I had acid reflux today after having a burrito salad from Chipotle. Really??? Acid reflux???? And at first I thought it was heartburn. Seriously? These are the issues I'm facing. What makes me really mad is that I'm not even beyond worrying about acne; although, I take this opportunity to mention that Neutrogena Advanced Solutions Complete Acne Therapy System is a complete life-saver. 

It's weird though. I'm 19, and my body feels like it's going through so many changes. (I love Justin Timberlake!!! Sorry, I'm watching the Emmy's, and he's there so I had to interject briefly.) Like what I eat really actually effects my body, and it's a necessity to work out. I've actually been craving healthy food lately because I can actually feel the difference in my body between that and eating lots of cookies. It's depressing. In like seven months I'll be 20. 20?!!!! That's freakin old! What are people going to expect of me???

Anyway now that I've expressed my anxiety of growing old, I hope you're not.

Why We Should All Feel Privileged to Live in Taylor Swift's World

So I know that everyone's been talking about the whole Kanye and Taylor Swift thing that happened a week ago at the VMAs. By the way, yes, I think it was messed up. If anybody in this world seriously believes that Beyonce isn't bomb then I'm going to have to have a serious talk with them, so not only was Kanye's rant completely and utterly uncalled for, it was also just pointless because Beyonce is no less amazing for not winning this award. Then, of course, there's the fact that Taylor totally deserved to win because this has been such an incredible year for her, and quite frankly she's brilliant and an amazing songwriter and entertainer. 

Which brings me to my next point... After almost a year of her latest album Fearless coming out, I am still always craving it. I listened to it today, and literally, each song still hits me with full impact. Then I was thinking today, you know how Taylor often exposes people in her life by using their real names in her songs? Well recently I heard an interviewer ask T. Swift (by which she is affectionately referred) if people, especially guys, were ever wary of getting too close to her for fear that they'd end up the butt of one of her songs, and you know what I think? I say that anybody lucky enough to be featured in a Taylor Swift song should be friggin honored because literally they will go down in history. We'll never forget Drew who provoked Taylor's teardrops on her guitar or Abigail who gave it all to a guy who changed his mind or Stephen who looks like an angel. There are also several instances where names weren't mentioned, but we got the gist, and we may just be wondering for the rest of time (although we know that "Forever & Always" was about Joe Jonas's disappointing butt). It is personally my dream to be referred to in a song. I mean, even if the song is in rage against you, it really is an honor. Anyway, that was random, but that's how I feel.

Do guys automatically assume you're more than just friends?

So a question that I've been wondering about for awhile now is whether guys automatically assume that if you have any relationship with them that it's as more than just friends. I mean, I have a boyfriend so that may change the dynamic a little bit, but still you hear stuff all the time about how guys think about sex like every three seconds and stuff. Then sometimes I just get the feeling sometimes that when I'm talking to a guy or guy friend that they think we're flirting or something. 

I'm not trying to call anyone out. I've just always wondered. Can guys and girls really ever be just friends without any attraction or flirtation or sexual tension?