I AM My Hair

So you know that India Arie song, "I Am Not My Hair?" Well, I know that song is about how your identity shouldn't come from what you look like on the outside, but for one reason or another, the way I look on the outside affirms how I feel about myself on the inside. Let me explain.

As many of you may know, I am mixed with several nationalities. As a result, growing up I never really identified with any particular race or culture. My dad's side of the family is Costa Rican, and they are very connected to Costa Rica, but even that didn't really give me a strong culture. It wasn't until I was older that my mom really tried to get me to understand that I was black, which I partially am on her side, but that didn't really change the way I felt. When I look in the mirror, I don't see somebody that looks like anyone else. I have this weird skin color that resembles the tone of other African-Americans except that I have this browner/yellowy skin tone that just doesn't match up. Then I have these really dark, almost black eyes. Then most significantly, I have this crazy super curly hair that seems to be very rare. 

Maybe I feel like I stand out more than I really do, but I feel like this perspective gives me an advantage in a way. I always assumed that I was going to be different from everyone else, so I never made it a point to try to fit in or make myself any more like anyone else. Recently I had a discussion with my friend, Amber, about how I like to wear my hair curly even though I could straighten it pretty easily. It's hard to explain the attachment I have to my hair as it is. To me it's like my foundation for being fearlessly myself despite the status quo. I suppose it's shallow to base my personality on something that I could easily lose. I admit that it would hurt to part with the part of me to which I've become most attached, but I know that even when I'm old and gray I will picture myself with my curly hair that God gave me, and I will know who I am because of it.