Many, if not all, of us go through periods of insecurity. Sometimes it's just an awkward day or a bad hair day when things just seem to be slightly off and you'd rather just skip it and move on with your life. Other times it's a period where maybe you hate your haircut or you're feeling out of shape or your social or work life just is not going right. And then there are other times when your negative mindset keeps you in a constant funk, feeling consistently imperfect and unsatisfied with yourself and your life. All of these can and do happen to anyone, but anyone checking the box of the latter qualifications is going to be classified as "insecure" for the sake of this message.
When a girl shares her insecurities with a boy, it is typically in one of these two cases: 1) She's feeling "insecure" and either consciously or subconsciously hopes that telling you everything wrong with her with provoke you to reciprocate with everything that's right with her and how wrong she is. This girl needs to hear this from you to feel good about herself. 2) Although this girl is generally "confident," there are times when she feels less than so and for whatever reason she feels close enough to you to be that open with you. Generally speaking, "confident" girls do not share their insecurities with anyone because they realize it's a temporary feeling and because THEY DO NOT NEED YOUR ATTENTION TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES.
GUYS LISTEN UP. Girls in Case #2/Confident girls feel good about themselves without your help. They know how to pump themselves up whether it be with a daily pep talk or 30 minutes on the elliptical or yoga or shopping or working hard in school or at work or just taking care of themselves. Anyway so if you actually hear one of these girls sharing with you anything that's wrong with you that's not purely self-deprecating humor then consider yourself special. Seriously. They do not do it often. So if they do, here is what you say: "Even at your worst you are still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen/in this building," or "Even at your worst I wouldn't trade you for any other woman in the world," or "Even at your worst I can't believe you actually thought I was good enough for you." Something like that, and I will tell you why. If you say something like, "Nooo. You're ridiculous. You know you're beautiful or smart or whatever," she'll just be thinking, "Well yeah I know, but that doesn't help." You know why? Because she's probably heard that a hundred times. Be original for heaven's sake. If you think a girl is amazing, you probably weren't the first one. If you say something like what I told you to say then she will believe you because it will mean something to her to know that you genuinely appreciate her and that, to you, she can do not wrong. That is insanely comforting. Try it.
Ladies agree?
Alex.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this. I've realized over the years that being original is important because girls have usually heard IT ALL before. I understand that. However I kind of look at both responses as the same. What if I were to relate my own insecurities to let her know that I have them too and that they're normal to have. I think this might just bring us closer.
Max Gibson
wineandbowties.com
Even better! Haha I don't know why that never occurred to me.
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