I AM My Hair

So you know that India Arie song, "I Am Not My Hair?" Well, I know that song is about how your identity shouldn't come from what you look like on the outside, but for one reason or another, the way I look on the outside affirms how I feel about myself on the inside. Let me explain.

As many of you may know, I am mixed with several nationalities. As a result, growing up I never really identified with any particular race or culture. My dad's side of the family is Costa Rican, and they are very connected to Costa Rica, but even that didn't really give me a strong culture. It wasn't until I was older that my mom really tried to get me to understand that I was black, which I partially am on her side, but that didn't really change the way I felt. When I look in the mirror, I don't see somebody that looks like anyone else. I have this weird skin color that resembles the tone of other African-Americans except that I have this browner/yellowy skin tone that just doesn't match up. Then I have these really dark, almost black eyes. Then most significantly, I have this crazy super curly hair that seems to be very rare. 

Maybe I feel like I stand out more than I really do, but I feel like this perspective gives me an advantage in a way. I always assumed that I was going to be different from everyone else, so I never made it a point to try to fit in or make myself any more like anyone else. Recently I had a discussion with my friend, Amber, about how I like to wear my hair curly even though I could straighten it pretty easily. It's hard to explain the attachment I have to my hair as it is. To me it's like my foundation for being fearlessly myself despite the status quo. I suppose it's shallow to base my personality on something that I could easily lose. I admit that it would hurt to part with the part of me to which I've become most attached, but I know that even when I'm old and gray I will picture myself with my curly hair that God gave me, and I will know who I am because of it.

How I Know I'm Getting Old

I had acid reflux today after having a burrito salad from Chipotle. Really??? Acid reflux???? And at first I thought it was heartburn. Seriously? These are the issues I'm facing. What makes me really mad is that I'm not even beyond worrying about acne; although, I take this opportunity to mention that Neutrogena Advanced Solutions Complete Acne Therapy System is a complete life-saver. 

It's weird though. I'm 19, and my body feels like it's going through so many changes. (I love Justin Timberlake!!! Sorry, I'm watching the Emmy's, and he's there so I had to interject briefly.) Like what I eat really actually effects my body, and it's a necessity to work out. I've actually been craving healthy food lately because I can actually feel the difference in my body between that and eating lots of cookies. It's depressing. In like seven months I'll be 20. 20?!!!! That's freakin old! What are people going to expect of me???

Anyway now that I've expressed my anxiety of growing old, I hope you're not.

Why We Should All Feel Privileged to Live in Taylor Swift's World

So I know that everyone's been talking about the whole Kanye and Taylor Swift thing that happened a week ago at the VMAs. By the way, yes, I think it was messed up. If anybody in this world seriously believes that Beyonce isn't bomb then I'm going to have to have a serious talk with them, so not only was Kanye's rant completely and utterly uncalled for, it was also just pointless because Beyonce is no less amazing for not winning this award. Then, of course, there's the fact that Taylor totally deserved to win because this has been such an incredible year for her, and quite frankly she's brilliant and an amazing songwriter and entertainer. 

Which brings me to my next point... After almost a year of her latest album Fearless coming out, I am still always craving it. I listened to it today, and literally, each song still hits me with full impact. Then I was thinking today, you know how Taylor often exposes people in her life by using their real names in her songs? Well recently I heard an interviewer ask T. Swift (by which she is affectionately referred) if people, especially guys, were ever wary of getting too close to her for fear that they'd end up the butt of one of her songs, and you know what I think? I say that anybody lucky enough to be featured in a Taylor Swift song should be friggin honored because literally they will go down in history. We'll never forget Drew who provoked Taylor's teardrops on her guitar or Abigail who gave it all to a guy who changed his mind or Stephen who looks like an angel. There are also several instances where names weren't mentioned, but we got the gist, and we may just be wondering for the rest of time (although we know that "Forever & Always" was about Joe Jonas's disappointing butt). It is personally my dream to be referred to in a song. I mean, even if the song is in rage against you, it really is an honor. Anyway, that was random, but that's how I feel.

Do guys automatically assume you're more than just friends?

So a question that I've been wondering about for awhile now is whether guys automatically assume that if you have any relationship with them that it's as more than just friends. I mean, I have a boyfriend so that may change the dynamic a little bit, but still you hear stuff all the time about how guys think about sex like every three seconds and stuff. Then sometimes I just get the feeling sometimes that when I'm talking to a guy or guy friend that they think we're flirting or something. 

I'm not trying to call anyone out. I've just always wondered. Can guys and girls really ever be just friends without any attraction or flirtation or sexual tension? 

I love Liv Tyler.

So I'm watching The Rachel Zoe Project today, which I love but haven't been able to watch yet this season. It's the Oscars episode and Liv Tyler makes an appearance because she needs Rachel to help her pick out a new wardrobe, and ohhhhhh my gosh is this woman gorgeous. Like literally she's beautiful and so lighthearted and doesn't take herself too seriously. I mean, I don't know that woman, but I've always kind of admired her any time I see her in something. 

On another note, besides my adoration for Ms. Tyler, I'm also obsessed with her name. I think I may name my daughter Liv. It's a great name. I mean, think of the kind of girl whose name is Liv. You're gonna love her. If my name weren't so awesome, I'd probably want it to be Liv. Just a thought though. 

Question: How are you supposed to eat a muffin??

So this dilemma has literally been vexing me since the day I enjoyed my first blueberry muffin (if anyone's taking notes, blueberry is my favorite). I usually just go for it with my fingers, grab small chunks at a time, and attempt to gracefully place it in my mouth; however, I am always slightly uncomfortable because if I'm trying to do anything else at the same time it's just a huge mess. I just end up getting all this muffin under my nails, and muffin is also kind of awkward to get off your fingers with a napkin. Then there's always the option of just biting straight into it, but Lord knows that'll be even more of an awkward mess and definitely not graceful. I suppose you could try to eat it with a fork, but it's so crumby and stuff. I guess I've never tried it though.

Does anyone have a solution to this problem?? How do you eat your muffins??

One Thing I Love About Guys

So...there aren't many...jk...but there is one thing that guys do that I really looove. 

I love it when guys do that low inflection in their voice that's almost rough or raspy in a way. I just noticed it in a 500 Days of Summer trailer where Zooey Deschanel's character asks Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character if he likes her and he says, "Well...yeahh," in a really sexy way. It's also in "My Love" by Justin Timberlake ft. T.I. There's this one line, "Cause the girls real wild throw they hands up high when they wanna come and kick it with a stand up guyy." Ohmg. I die every time I hear it. In fact I'm pretty sure I made everyone in my cheer carpool listen to that one part on repeat a few times senior year (shout out Sam and cheer girls). You can also hear it when you're talking to a guy on the phone really late or like first thing in the morning.

It's crazy because it's little things like that all combined that make guys so irresistible. I mean, am I crazy? I crave stuff like that. That's how they get us. That and holding my face when we kiss. Where do they teach you guys this???

Just When You Thought Spencer Couldn't Be MORE of a Wannabe...

So I was reading JustJared.buzznet.com today, and I never in a million years would have guessed what today's headline would read: "Spencer Pratt: King Me!" Spencer Pratt is changing his legal name to "King Spencer Pratt." Um what??!! I mean I knew he was arrogant, delusional, and pathetic, but really?? He basically said that America deserves a king just like all those other countries. 

Here's my conclusion: Publicity stunt. It's really amazing because he's making a living out of being publicly ridiculous. What will he tell his children?? One day he'll write his memoirs, and on the cover will be a picture of his face on the Quaker Oats container because he thought that oatmeal lovers deserved to have a douche bag sitting in their pantries, and all of us who are somehow amused for whatever reason at his absurdity will shame ourselves on how much wealth we actually brought to him and what a travesty this is to our society. I mean first Flava Flav gets his own show, and now this???? What is this world coming to????!! FOR SHAME!!!